On the act of letting go and saying goobye

How hard is it to let go?

Letting go...
of someone you've learned to love;
of the activities you've loved doing; and
of the people you've learned to cherish...

I hate goodbyes.
But it's the reality
you must learn to say goodbye...
you must learn to let go.

I'm saying goodbye to the position that I cherished the most.
I'm saying goodbye to the SLIS Community that I;ve considered as my second home.
I'm saying goodbye to the UP LISSA, my second family.
I'm saying goodbye to UP that became my world for the past four years.

I am saying goodbye... for now.
I will always find my way back to my home, my family, and my world.
I'm happy to let go of one thing though, the position that I worked hard for.


Goodluck to the new batch of officers. Goodluck to the new breed of LISSAlistas!
You'll do better than we did. I know you will.
I have faith in you, guys.

To Jean, you'll be better than me.
Believe in what you can do.
It'll be hard at first but you'll do great, I'm sure.
Learn from my mistakes.
Nakasalalay sa president ang lahat, take it from me.
FAIL ang term ko (blame me) at alam ko naman na di un mangyayari sa inyo.

To the new officers,
GOODLUCK!
Kayang-kaya niyo yan...


See ya'round, peepz!



xoxo,
_M_

I'm scared to close my eyes and sleep for a while...
I'm scared that something bad will happen to me or to my loved ones while I'm sleeping...
I'm scared of where I am right now...

*sigh*

For once, I feared for my life...

On Working

By May 2009, I'm officially unemployed. Yeah! Not that I'm currently working but I'm about to graduate this April and has no work. I didn't apply yet but I'm starting to find job related to my undergrad course online. So far, I have no luck finding anything for undergrad. One of the things I'm looking for my work is the location. I'm planning to apply to work in Singapore but unfortunately I can't find anything. *sigh*

I'm a budding archivist. I'll apply in Masters in Archival Studies in University of British Columbia by next year. I hope to find part time work there before going back here in the Philippines. That's my initial plan as of now. My parents want me to take LAE, again. I'm thinking about it. I'm not that into law. But we'll see.

So many plans so little time? Nooot!

CONGRATS GRADUATES OF 2009!
Welcome to the reality of being unemployed! lol

xoxo,
_M_

On changes

A friend asked "Do you still know me?"
Then I realized, I don't know him that well.
There's a lot of things that I can say I about him but do I really really know him? No!

People keep on saying that the past months changed them in many different way.
But may I ask you, Is the change for the good? Or is it for the worst?
Or are we too involve in making ourselves center of everything that it destroys the person that we used to be?
Because I did this and that, I'm a changed person. I'm a good person.
It's not LIKE that.


You can't say that you know that person too well because you don't.
You can't conclude and say "Hey, I know you! You shouldn't blah blah blah"
You can't say you've changed if the people around you don't notice it.

Change can make or break you.
Walk the talk. ; )

On happiness

Yesterday, I passed my thesis first draft. Was I happy? A bit, yeah.
I don't know, there's something in me that's keeping me from being happy.
Maybe because I know that this coming weeks I'll be busy with revising my thesis and trying to correct the mistakes that I've done this past year. Is it too late? I'm not sure. At least I'll try to do something before I'll graduate.

I am thankful for the new and not so new (hehe) friends that I have right now.
They'll get to know you before judging. And most importantly, they'll listen to you before concluding. Thanks, guys!

I am lucky and happy to have you.
My weekly dinner-mates, plurkmates, and gossip-mates (haha!), THANK YOU! :)

[I maybe not vocal of how I appreciate you guys. At least, I know you can feel it naman right? haha]

xoxo,
_M_

On what I'm really feeling right now

Just got home from our friday gimik with Asia, Von, Jen, Del and Nico.
What a fun night! We ate dinner at Sicilian Express (treated them with Sicilian Pizza).
Then our dessert was rocky road ice cream at Treats, Petron Square, Katipunan.
Von and Nico left afterwards.
So, we (Jen, Asia, Del and I) decided to stay in Bo's Katipunan for some more QTT.
At around 11:40pm, it was Jen's time to go home. But Asia, Del and I went to Sarah's after Jen left. We saw Chad then meet up with Myk.
Though we went to four different places in one night, it wasn't that tiring. I had fun. A much needed break from acads and org. :D

With all the things happening right now... With my busy schedule.... Seriously, I don't know what/how to feel about those things. I can't cry for the reason that it's not worth crying. I can't be that too happy even because I know there's still problems needed to solve before this semester comes to an end. But one thing I'm sure and this is that I'm scared.

Yes, I'm scared about a lot of things.
Thesis, of course. Who isn't?
Graduation Day. It's fast approaching and I don't know if I'll do well enough this semester to reach the grade that I needed for cl standing.
Disappointing my parents. They've sacrificed a lot for me and the least thing I wantto do is to disappoint them. I have no right to do that.
After graduation. What's next for me? Am I going to work? Take a M.A. or M.S.?
Basically... I'm scared of the future. Of the what if's.

I'm scared of losing all the hard work we've put because of the words: commitment and dedication. I can't help but to get frustrated/disappointed. I know it's my fault why things are happening right now and I'm blaming myself for it. If I knew that this things will happen, I shouldn't have done anything. It's all my fault. If people are just brave enough to tell me the wrong things I've done, sana di na umabot sa ganito. For real.

I know my mistakes. I know I disappointed you. I know I didn't reached your expectations.
I'm sorry. I really am.

I'm praying and hoping that all these will have an answer soon.
My hope is up as always.
I know we can do this. We can!
Keep thinking positive and we'll succeed!


xoxo,
_M_

On our third weekly bonding

Kuya Francis and I went, again, on a shopping spree last week.
He never fails to treat me or buy me something whenever he got his salary.
And I appreciate it very much.




The night before he saw me crying in my room and he was soo worried.
He didn't bother to ask me what's wrong for he knows that I won't tell him my problem.
Instead, he invited me to go shopping with him. He really knows how to cheer me up.
Thanks, bro! :)



We ate at California Pizza Kitchen.
The food was pricey but it was worth it. :)




Thanks again, Kuya!
I know someday I can repay your kindness.
Pag sumweldo na ako, ipagsashopping din kita. Hehe
ILY.

xoxo,
_M_

One step away...

...in passing my first draft. All I need is the doctor's analysis and integrate it with my study then viola! first draft na! Yay!

Kelan ka ba kikilos? Pag nawala na ang katamaran ko.
Hindi parin ako makaget-over sa victory party ng org. Yeahba!
Uber fun. 5am na kami nakauwi dahil sa kwentuhan.

Starting today, haggard mode na sa HELL MONTH!
Final exams, projects, and completion of requirements para maka-martsa na ako this April.

Goodluck sa lahat! :D

Tsaka na ang emo post pag tapos na ang lahat....

xoxo
_M_

Ako. Ang Bida.

Ako ang bida kwento.
Ako ang tama.
Sila ang mali.

Ako ang bida sa kwento ng ibang tao.
Ako ang tama.
Sila ang mali.

Ako ang Bida.
Ako ang kawawa.
Ako ang api.
Ako ang TAMA.

Ano ang mali dito?
Ikaw? Ako?
O ang pagiging Bida ko?

And this is how I blahg

Blah + g / -gging.
Blahg or Blahgging is the term that I invented to refer to nonsense blog or blogging.


So this is how I blahg.

I don't know what to feel right now.
I should be happy because our major event was a success.
I should be grateful because things are going pretty well.
I know I'm tired and need a break from everything.
I know I must work (very) hard on my thesis and my 5 other subjects. Boo!

One thing is for sure, if I want to graduate this semester, I MUST NOT PROCASTINATE.
Dang! Why oh Why nauso pa ang thesis?!

And just today, I lost my Php1000. Huhu.
I'm saving it pa naman for my future gimiks pero nawalang parang bula. Boo Marj!
You're a loser!

Yeah, I'm hating myself right now.

And after all this, I want to travel.
Plans have been made but I know I needed to graduate first before I can travel. Yay!

Peace out!
_M_