Post-holiday depression

I feel sad. I miss home. I'm disappointed with what's happening right now. I can't seem to move forward with my life, my career. I really want to study abroad but with my current salary minus all the bills I need to pay, saving up is a long waaaaay. If things at home were a bit OK financially, I won't be frustrated right now. I'm not mad, I just hope things were better handled so I'm not the kawawa right now. My older sibs have enjoyed the luxurious life and since I'm the youngest, I don't get to buy the things that I want and be financially secured. At this moment, I'm not entertaining the thought of getting angry just because... I want to be hopeful about my future. How will I do that? I'm not sure. Not eating lunch and just spending for my fares everyday is not enough. It feels like I'm stuck in a chapter in my life were I'm helpless with the things around. I'm starting to drown. It starting to feel heavy. I'm starting to become hopeless... just by thinking of all the things I need to do to become confident, to achieve something and be someone--it's all falling apart. I'm falling apart.

I don't want to get mad... I don't want to get mad... I DON'T WANT TO GET MAD.